Excel Excess

We celebrated my stepson's 15th birthday yesterday by me making him whoopie pies, his father taking him bouldering, and finally a birthday dinner at Kura Sushi. Virus Super-spreading, Automated Contrary to all pandemic logic, there was a FIVE HOUR WAIT at Kura yesterday.  Via their sub-mediocre app, you can get on a waitlist.  Your displayed wait time never decreases, but the number of people ahead of you waiting for a table does go down. We ain't even trying  to hang out in a COVIDful waiting area for 5 hours, so i chucked together a handy graph to predict exactly when our table would be ready! So we jumped in the car at 6:10! Now i know what you're thinking:  "Kristen, linear regression?!  Really?  This' clearly a job for logarithmic decay!"  Well, calm down.  The regressions were basically the same at predicting when our table would be ready, and i threw this together during boring scenes of Squid Game . Alright, see you in less than 2 years ho...

My previous job paid for my gas.  But i used my car for things other than work, like driving to my other job, or driving to interviews for new jobs.  So the gas that they paid for was kind of a bonus, and i wanted to know exactly how much it added to my total compensation package.  So... gas bonus = total spent on gas - cost of gas used for legitimate business travel ...and... cost of gas used for legitimate business travel = miles * price of gas / MPG of my Cavalier LS For my job, i traveled to and from various clients' houses all day.  So i threw together this little chart as a quick reference for the exact mileage getting from one place to another.

I own several Fitbits because i heart numbers.  I am a bona fide Fitbitch.  In college, i learned that Donny Rumsfeld walks 10,000 steps a day.  I immediately purchased a pedometer, and i would go walk on the treadmill in my apartment complex' gym post-da club, beer in hand, if i didn't have 10,000 steps at the end of every day.  I am very competitive, and i was not about to let Rummy beat me.  If he walks more steps than i, the terrorists win! Now i've leveled up with a pedometer that also monitors my heart rate, syncs with my phone, and signals to my peers that i have made it!  Since i'm no longer in the service industry, i rarely get 10,000 steps in a day any more.  Whatever!  Rumsfeld's probably sitting on his fat ass these days too!  Neither of us are getting younger!  Don't judge me! Anyway, i've tweaked my daily step goal down to my average so that i wasn't so downtrodden every day i didn't meet my goal.  Now, if i be...

I subscribe to 10 podcasts which i listen to at work.  There are 3 additional podcasts i am NOT subscribed to, because when i start listening to a new podcast, i begin at the beginning!  Comedy Bang Bang (heretofore referred to as CBB) has been around since 2009, and i'm still catching up! Today i pondered:  when the hell will i be caught up with this damn podcast, so i can start listening to SPONTANEANATION with Paul F. Tompkins!?  Like a good OCDude, i have to listen to my podcasts from oldest to newest.  I'm only up to episode 127 of CBB, which aired October 17, 2011.  Since CBB releases one podcast a week, i can calculate how many more podcasts it'll take me to be caught up.  But i smell an iterative calculation! It's been 213 weeks since the podcast I'm currently listening to aired, so I'm going to assume I've 213 more podcasts until i catch up.  The 2 podcasts currently on my iPad are 1 hr 14 min and 1 hr 12 min, so I'm going to say the...

Have you ever said to yourself, "i should eat more fruits and vegetables...but Whataburger sure is great"?  Me too! Well, my mom bought my cat and i vitamins for Christmas, which i think is her way of saying i am unhealthy.  My Polish co-worker advocates eating primarily uncooked meats, and admonishes, "legumes are pretty much the worst thing you can eat."  Netflix keeps reminding me that everytime i eat a hamburger, i am LITERALLY RUINING THE WORLD.  And sad people in podcasts keep telling my passive ears that "exercise and eating right" will miraculously cure even clinical depression. One thing i can say though is that plants look awfully healthy.  So...i should eat more of them...or any of them!  You already know what a passion i have for finding and purchasing the cheapest food .  But how do i consume it all before it spoils, when i often am gone at work 14 hours a day!?  My recent acquisition of a refurbished juicer helps!  And this' w...