How to Calculate Relative Value...of Teeth Whitening Strips

I don't know about you, but when i draw smiling unicorns, i reach for the white crayon when i go to color their teeth. But what if, when your co-workers are coloring pictures of you climbing out of a pit full of snakes, they reach for Banana Mania or Desert Sand when coloring your teeth? Alternatively, are you vain and addicted to coffee and red wine? Sounds like you need to whiten your teeth!

"I live in Starbucks!" "I am a (red) wine-o!" "I care too much about how i look!"

"But teeth whiteners are expensive," you whinge. There, there, stupid. Haven't you ever heard of the Internet? The Internet makes things cheaper, and saves you the trouble of having to get off your lazy ass to obtain them!

I am lazy. Thanks, the Internet!

Amazon does an especially good job of this: for many items, if you "subscribe" to them, you save 5-15% off the normal price, and get free shipping. And you can always unsubscribe as soon as you've received the item. Bonus points if you use an Amazon credit card: you accrue points for every dollar spent (extra for Amazon purchases), and these points turn into pennies towards Amazon purchases at the end of your billing cycle. Amazon also conveniently displays unit prices of items, which expedites the process of honing in on the highest-valued items! In our case, this mostly means cost per whitestrip.

This leads us to the next logical question: is cost per whitestrip the factor that tells us the best value? Does this index still hold water when comparing different strengths of whitestrip? How is relative strength determined?

Apply these once a day for 30 minutes.

Well, i decided that the "unit" used to calculate unit price should be the number of "minutes" in a box.

Do 6 of these, which are only used for 5 minutes a day, equal 1 of the previous?

Naturally, this lead to the utilization of a spreadsheet:

The Unit Price column is determined by the following formula: Price / (Minutes * Strips)

I believe this formula gives a better unit price by which to assess value than merely examining the price per strip. So, as is clearly apparent from this spreadsheet, item 6 yields the highest value, in spite of only being 5 strips, and in spite of item 10 actually being much cheaper per strip. If one needs only use a strip every three months, the value becomes far more salient. Purchased! Now i will brew some black coffee, open a bottle of Barolo, smoke a cigarette, and eat some blueberries to celebrate!

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