Excel Excess

I own several Fitbits because i heart numbers.  I am a bona fide Fitbitch.  In college, i learned that Donny Rumsfeld walks 10,000 steps a day.  I immediately purchased a pedometer, and i would go walk on the treadmill in my apartment complex' gym post-da club, beer in hand, if i didn't have 10,000 steps at the end of every day.  I am very competitive, and i was not about to let Rummy beat me.  If he walks more steps than i, the terrorists win! Now i've leveled up with a pedometer that also monitors my heart rate, syncs with my phone, and signals to my peers that i have made it!  Since i'm no longer in the service industry, i rarely get 10,000 steps in a day any more.  Whatever!  Rumsfeld's probably sitting on his fat ass these days too!  Neither of us are getting younger!  Don't judge me! Anyway, i've tweaked my daily step goal down to my average so that i wasn't so downtrodden every day i didn't meet my goal.  Now, if i be...

I subscribe to 10 podcasts which i listen to at work.  There are 3 additional podcasts i am NOT subscribed to, because when i start listening to a new podcast, i begin at the beginning!  Comedy Bang Bang (heretofore referred to as CBB) has been around since 2009, and i'm still catching up! Today i pondered:  when the hell will i be caught up with this damn podcast, so i can start listening to SPONTANEANATION with Paul F. Tompkins!?  Like a good OCDude, i have to listen to my podcasts from oldest to newest.  I'm only up to episode 127 of CBB, which aired October 17, 2011.  Since CBB releases one podcast a week, i can calculate how many more podcasts it'll take me to be caught up.  But i smell an iterative calculation! It's been 213 weeks since the podcast I'm currently listening to aired, so I'm going to assume I've 213 more podcasts until i catch up.  The 2 podcasts currently on my iPad are 1 hr 14 min and 1 hr 12 min, so I'm going to say the...

Have you ever said to yourself, "i should eat more fruits and vegetables...but Whataburger sure is great"?  Me too! Well, my mom bought my cat and i vitamins for Christmas, which i think is her way of saying i am unhealthy.  My Polish co-worker advocates eating primarily uncooked meats, and admonishes, "legumes are pretty much the worst thing you can eat."  Netflix keeps reminding me that everytime i eat a hamburger, i am LITERALLY RUINING THE WORLD.  And sad people in podcasts keep telling my passive ears that "exercise and eating right" will miraculously cure even clinical depression. One thing i can say though is that plants look awfully healthy.  So...i should eat more of them...or any of them!  You already know what a passion i have for finding and purchasing the cheapest food .  But how do i consume it all before it spoils, when i often am gone at work 14 hours a day!?  My recent acquisition of a refurbished juicer helps!  And this' w...

I don't know about you, but when i draw smiling unicorns, i reach for the white crayon when i go to color their teeth.  But what if, when your co-workers are coloring pictures of you climbing out of a pit full of snakes, they reach for Banana Mania or Desert Sand when coloring your teeth?  Alternatively, are you vain and addicted to coffee and red wine?  Sounds like you need to whiten your teeth! "I live in Starbucks!"  "I am a (red) wine-o!"  "I care too much about how i look!" "But teeth whiteners are expensive," you whinge.  There, there, stupid.  Haven't you ever heard of the Internet?  The Internet makes things cheaper, and saves you the trouble of having to get off your lazy ass to obtain them! I am lazy.  Thanks, the Internet! Amazon does an especially good job of this:  for many items, if you "subscribe" to them, you save 5-15% off the normal price, and get free shipping.  And you can always unsubscribe as ...

In life, sometimes it's hard to get to your spreadsheets.  Maybe you're playing a computer game that takes up your entire screen, and you can't reach your netbook that's on your home network and accesses all those spreadsheets you've stored on your shared external hard drive. Or maybe you're researching RAM cards so said computer game will run faster, but you're using the POS computer you hacked into at your bartending job.  Anyway, in such instances, you have to use nature's spreadsheet:  paper.  Here're some sweet examples of my less digital spreadsheets.    Best for you?

Today's post comes live from my Control4 training course, via my MacBook Pro.  Obvs, this' a MSExcel blog, but today i'm using Apple's Numbers.  We'll see how it turns out, as i have little to no faith in Mac's approximation of MSOffice.  All the nerdery of being surrounded by fellow home-automators has got me playing my favorite browser-based, multiplayer RPG, KoL. Me! While completing the Me and My Nemesis quest in The Secret Tropical Island Volcano Lair, it became necessary for me to decode the Rave Disco Combos in order to make the ravers drop equipment (rave visors, baggy rave pants, pacifier necklaces, etc.) which would increase my Raveosity. The Secret Island Volcano Lair These combos consist of three discrete steps (Break it on Down, Pop and Lock It, and Run Like the Wind), and are randomized per player per ascension.  Since there're three steps, and each combo consists of each of the three, the total number of potential combinations is ...

These are a few of my favorite things. As we all know, the goal of beer-drinking is to get drunk.  But here in America, people are sometimes so preoccupied with not getting fatter, that it gets in the way of their beer-drinking.  Supposedly, this is why light beers were invented. However, it is my belief that light beer, since it is typically lower in alcohol, defeats it's own purpose by requiring you to drink more of it to get drunk.  For this reason, i have collected the above data.  The table includes some of my favorite beers, in addition to all the shitty "frat beers" that people waste their time drinking.  The beers are sorted in descending alcohol to calorie ratio, i.e. drunk to fat ratio. The results are kind of upsetting, but telling.  I've also been trying to collect the data necessary to compile a alcohol to cost component (i.e. drunk to poor ratio), but this is more difficult with the fluctuating and varying costs of beer.  If any...